I'm speaking broadly, of course, about the typical straight male in this post. High-five to all the style-minded fellows out there — thank you for always supporting our fashion endeavors. But for you run-of-the-mill, more conventional guys ... this one's for your fashion-forward girlfriend.
Unless you're channeling Counselor Deanna Troi, guys want nothing to do with the sculptural, futuristic fabric known as neoprene. Ignore them. Neoprene automatically ups your cool factor by 100. Don't just believe me — believe Hanneli. She knows what she's doing.
2. MOM JEANS
The long fly. The high waist. The wide butt. It's no wonder guys hate these jeans. But when a super-cute little lady styles up a pair just-so (like the above Danish babe), mom jeans become irresistibly cool.
3. DROP-CROTCH PANTS
Ah, the beloved harem pant. Slouchy and nonchalant, it's the ultimate fashion-girl piece, a way to show that you're down with an unconventional shape, no big deal. Guys can't understand why these pants even exist. Something about an unconventional crotch?
4. THE SACK DRESS
Also known as "the muumuu" (according to my boyfriend), the sack dress is one of my favorite things to wear. It's comfy, effortless and looks cute with tights and cardigans. Boys hate the sack dress because it disguises your lovely lady lumps. To this I say, "Try wearing shapewear and we'll talk."
5. THE FURRY VEST
Here's another one for my boyfriend. He calls them "ogre vests," which always makes me think of the abominable snowman. I'm not super into this look, but it's still pretty popular, and damn if Kate Moss doesn't make it look chic as hell.
6. THE PRINTED SUIT
I'm guessing this one reminds them too much of a used car salesman's garish plaid blazer. Guys tend to take prints in small doses, so a head-to-toe outfit often proves too much. We ladies, on the other hand, know that sometimes more is just more!
7. THE LONG SKIRT
Now, y'all know how much I love Yasmin Sewell — the girl can do no wrong — so I'm gonna have to say that guys are just flat out wrong about long skirts. They're totally sexy! ... In a prim, Victorian kind of way.
Not everything has to be sexy, y'know.
8. THE MASCULINE-INSPIRED OUTFIT
Plainly put, guys tend to like girls in more form-fitting clothes. So when a girl throws on some pleated trousers and an oversized sweater, it hits all too close to his own wardrobe. And if you're going to be wearing his clothes, he'd probably prefer a t-shirt and nothing more.
9. ACID-WASH ANYTHING
It's just too '80s. They can't handle it.
10. THE COSBY SWEATER
There's something so deliciously fun and charmingly vintage about a good ol' tacky sweater. They look cute with jeans, skirts & tights, shorts — damn near everything, so long as it's a solid color. Guys think you look like a Trapper Keeper threw up on a Magic Eye poster. It doesn't conjure up good things for them. And don't even think about throwing acid wash into the mix.
Anything missing from this list? What outfits make your man-friend cringe?